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Why, is it not arriu'd there yet, the newes?

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A new foundation, fir, here i' the towne, of ladies, that call tbemfelues the Coliegiates, an order betweene courtiers, and country-madames, that liue from their hufbands ; and giue entertainenient to all the Wits, and Braitcrks o' the time, as they call 'hem: crie downe, or vp, what they like, or diflike in a braine, or a fafliion, with molt mafcuUne, or rather hermapkredilicall authoritie: and, euery day, gaine to their colledge some new probationer, Cle.

Who is the Prefident? The graue, and youthfull matron, the lady Havghty. I haue made a fong, I pray thee heare it, o' the fubiedt. That makes ftmplicitie a grace ; ioo Robes loofely flowing y haire as free: Such fweet neglect more taketh me. Then all tK adulteries of art. And I am, clearely, o' the other fide: I loue a good drefling, before any beautie o' the world. O, a woman is, then, like a delicate garden ; nor, is there one kind of it : fhe may varie, euery houre ; take often counfell of her glafle, and choofe the beft. If fliee haue good eares, fliew 'hem ; good haire, lay it out ; good legs, weare short no cloathes; a good hand, discouer it often ; pradife any art, to mend breath, clenfe teeth, repaire eye-browes, paint, and profefle it.

The doing of it, not the manner : that muft bee if5priuate. Many things, that feeme foule, i' the doing, doe pleafe, done. They muft not difcouer, how little ferues, with the helpe of art, to adome a great deale- How long did the canuas hang afore j Aid-gate? No more ihould fcruants approch their miftrefles, but when they are compleat, and finiili'd.

Well faid, my Trve-wit. And a wife ladie will keepe a guard alwaies vpon the place, that fliee may doe things fecurely.

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I once followed a rude fellow into a chamber, where the poore madame, for harte, and troubled, fnatch'd at her perruke, to couer her baldneile : and put it on, the wrong way. O prodigie! And the vn-confcionable knaue held her in complement an houre, with that reuerft face, when I ftill look'd when fliee fiiould taJke from the t'other fide.

Why, thou fliould'ft ha' releeu'd her, Trv. No faith, I let her alone, as wee'l let this argument, if you pieafe, and paile to another. Not thefe three dales.

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Shall we goe to him this morning? Sicke o' the vncle? I met that ftiffe I peece of formalitie, his vncle, yefterday, with a huge turbant hs of night-caps on his head, buckled ouer his eares. O, that's his cuftome when he walkes abroad. So I haue heard. JS08 H meUocholick isas No, nor the Broome-men : they fland out ftiffely.

Me thinkes, a Smith fliould be ominous. Or any Hamer-man. A Brafier is not fuffer'd to dwel in the parifh, nor an Armorer. Out of his fenfes. The Waights of the citie haue a penfion of him, not to come neere that ward. This youth pradis'd on him, one night, like the Bell-man; and neuer left till hee had brought him downe to the doore, with a long-fword : and there left him flourifhing with the aire.

Why, fir! Hee would grow i75refty elfe in his eafe. His vertue would ruft without adion. And, another if time, a Fencer, marching to his prize, had his drum moft tragically run through, for taking that ftreet in his way, at my requeft.

How do's he for the bells? But now, by reafon of the fickneffe, the perpetuitie of ringing has made him deuife a roome, with double walls, and treble feelings ; the windores clofe fliut, and calk'd : and there he Hues by candle-light. He turn'd away a man, if laft weeke, for hauing a paire of new fliooes that creak'd. And this fellow waits on him, now, in tennis-court focks, or flippers fol'd with wool!

See, who comes here. Scene II.

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Davphine, Trve-wit, Clerimont. HOw now! Strooke into ftone, almoft, I am here, with tales o' thine vncle! There was neuer fuch a prodigie heard of. I would you would once loofe this fubied, my mafters, for my fake. They are fuch as you are, that 5 haue brought mee into that predicament, 1 am, with him. How is that? Hee thinks, I, and my companie are authors of all the ridiculous atlts, and moniments are told of him. J7 iSa Ihrout;! S'lid, I would be the author of more, to vexe him, that purpofe dcferues it : it giues thee law of plaguing him.

Dif-inherit thee 1 hee cannot, man. Ait not thou next of bloud, and his fifters fonne? I, but he will thruft me out of it, he vowes, and marry. JO Trv. Can he endure no noife, and will venter on a wife? Yes: why, thou art a rtranger, it fecmes, to hia bell trick, yet. He has imploid a fellow this halfe yeere, all ouer England, to harken him out a durabe woman ; bee 15 Hiee of any forme, or any qualitie, fo hee bee able to beare children : her filence is dowrie enough, he faies.

But, I truft to god, he has found none.

Epicene: Textual Essay | The Cambridge Works of Ben Jonson

No, but hee has heard of one that's lodg'd i' the next ftreet to him, who is exceedingly foft-fpoken ; thrifty 30 of her fpeech ; that fpends but fixe words a day. Is't polTible! V Cle. Mary, a Barber, one Cvt-Berd: an honeff fellow, one that tells Davphine all here.

Epicene: Textual Essay

Why, you opprefle mee with wonder 1 A woman, and a barber, and loue no noife! Yes faith. The fellow trims him filently, and has not the knackc with his Iheeres, or his fingers: and that continence in a barber hee tbinkes lb eminent a vertue, as 40 it has made him chiefe of his counfell. F, 16i0. Is the barber to be feene? I haue fome bufinelfe now: I cannot i' faith. Not I, by any meancs. I'll giue no fuffrage 50 to't.

Let it lie vpon my tarres to be guiltie, I'll be innocent, Trv. Yes, and be poore, and beg; doc, innocent: when fome groome of his has got him an heire, or this 5s barber, if hee himfelfe cannot. I pray thee, Ned, where lyes flieeP let him be innocent, ftiU. You doe not meane to confound me!